It's Arvin's day!!!!

So I don't know if anyone actually reads this still but I was told by someone extremely important to me that I really aught to write more.    So here I am, and guess what?   I'm going to write about him.   It's amusing that I'm not very good with articulating my feelings in person, but I can write about them.    So here we go!   I met Arvin in May of this year.   To say that it has been a whirlwind since then would be an understatement.   Arvin and I jumped headlong into an adventure with one another. We've had our ups and downs but he has my back and I have his.   I'm madly in love and I don't say it often enough.   I'm learning as I go along and I think he is too.   I know I test his patience and understanding more often than I'd like, but he gets me nonetheless.   He pushes me to be a better man, a better partner, a better human being and he challenges me like nobody else.   I cannot thank him enough for all he has done and will continue to do for us.   Today is his birthday and I wish him all the joy, happiness, success and peace in the world.  I give to him all my love and promise to continue to be better every day.   I will also try to write more often since he has been urging me to do so.   Now I just need to get him to read this!!!    Happy Birthday babe!    Here's to many more together!

Thoughts on Privilege

I don’t blog often and I really should. I have some amazing conversations with family and friends. More often than not, the thoughts or ideas that arose linger after the conversations are over. Topher and I have been reading a lot about the murder of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri. The conversations we have had have ranged from anger and disgust on the part of police in Ferguson to dialoguing about ways the tensions could be resolved. We also talked about injustice and inequality in our country.

Anyone that says there is not inequality in the US is completely blind to reality. This growing divide across many sectors of our country is what stuck in my head. Its mind blowing to hear pundits talking like there is no such thing going on and it is saddening to see all the ignorant comments posted on social media sites and news articles. Look at recent news cycles: the racial divide on display in Ferguson, the growing gap between the rich and the rest of us, the fight for recognition and rights in the LGBT community, the tensions between religious groups, and the immigration debate. All of those topics, while different in nature and scope, have one underlying quality: the fight for equal treatment and respect.

It saddens me that on Facebook I see a tide of videos of friend’s doing the ice bucket challenge for ALS, posting new music, pictures from vacation, or thoughts on the latest episode of Jimmy Fallon, but so few notes about the tragedy in Ferguson or the refugees living in shelters on our border (that still unresolved story has pretty much disappeared from the news cycle). I’m not saying that people don’t care, but why don’t they say anything?! I know Facebook and Twitter are not really the place of academic debate, but it could be! I think people walk on egg shells when it comes to controversial topics. It’s okay to break a few eggs. We will never change the circumstances in this country if we don’t. In fact, it will get worse.

We have to confront some pretty scary truths in order to move beyond them:

• Racism is alive. Worst of all, it’s alive and thriving in our justice system. That is not a liberal point of view. That is reality. I know several people that are afraid to say anything because either they don’t see how it affects them or they don’t know how to dialogue about the topic. I also think there is a fear of the reprisal of comments. Social media has created a venue where people attack on sight instead of having a dialogue. 
• Economic inequality is real. There was a lot of hoopla regarding Romney’s statements about the 1%, but that divide is growing. Demanding a higher minimum wage isn’t asking for handouts. The rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer and the middle class is becoming non-existent. 
• Privilege (a word that bears a lot of stigma) is a reality. White privilege, heterosexual privilege, economic privilege, etc. We don’t like talking about privilege because it is uncomfortable to look at yourself from that lens. The problem with privilege is being unaware that you have it and believing that everyone has equal opportunities and advantages. Many don’t realize the ways in which people, systems, and institutions are set up to advantage some and disadvantage others. 

I don’t want to sound like I’m berating anyone, but these are topics that need to be talked about. As a gay man in a very conservative state, I see this all the time. I know that people hate to equate racial civil rates with LGBT civil rights, but there are many similarities. In both cases, there is a fight to overcome oppression, gain recognition based on the person not their skin color or orientation, demand equal treatment under the law, and to provide a better future for our families. We need to start to better understand one another, ourselves and our history in order to move things forward.   

The beauty of these dialogues about privilege is that we can move the dialogue to change. Start by becoming aware of the daily exclusions that affect those who are not male, upper/middle class, heterosexual, able-bodied, and/or white and advocating for those that don’t fit under that description. Educate yourself on what is going on in communities outside of your own. Form coalitions with others who are working to end individual and institutional oppression. Become an ally to those that are being oppressed (here is a great article regarding allies during the tragedy in Ferguson: http://qz.com/250701/12-things-white-people-can-do-now-because-ferguson ). Most of all, don’t be afraid to talk about these things. We need to talk about these topics. We can be the change we want to see in the world!

Yikes.   I can't believe how long its been since I've posted on here.   I think I need to remedy that.    Yet this has become more of a diary for random thoughts than anything else, so maybe its serving its purpose exactly right!

If you flip through the news in the past few days, you’ll see a lot about the passing of “Uncle Phil” from Fresh Prince.   Its kinda crazy how much outpouring of tributes there have been to a fictional family member.   Well I lost my real uncle yesterday.   My Uncle Tom passed away yesterday with very little fanfare, but the impact of his passing is tremendous.  We saw it coming since he had been suffering with cancer.    I’m thankful that he was surrounded by family, so I know he went in peace.   Despite knowing he was terminal and his health was declining, you can never quite be prepared for it.   I wasn’t prepared for the emotional impact it would have on me.  It’s a mixed feeling.   Sadness at the loss of a family member, but more regret.

I was never very close with my uncle.   He was extremely reserved and private.   Yet, he was always there.   For 34 years of birthday parties, holiday gatherings, weddings, etc., he was a constant.   Yet he was a stranger.   I regret not taking the time to get to know him better.   I regret never probing into his story.   What I know of his story is what I gleaned growing up and hearing snippets.   When I was young, he was involved in a terrible car accident and to this day I don’t know all the details of it.    Why didn’t I ask?   Why didn’t I step out of my comfort zone and learn about a man that was always there?   I have my suspicions that I had a lot more in common with my uncle than I know and I will never know if that is true.   Uncle Tom was steadfastly loyal, determined, hardworking and optimistic.   He faced obstacles head on (and he was dealt many of them).   That’s what I know that about him and those are qualities to strive for, but I know there was so much more to him that I wish I could have learned.  

I need to take more time to know the people in my life.   I need to take the time to cherish those close to me and seek out those that I’ve grown apart from.   Life is far too fleeting to get sucked up in petty bullshit, overused excuses and laziness.   So Uncle Tom:   thank you for a final lesson, for the memories and being a constant during our lives.   I wish you peace and send my love.  

The Pact - Day 16 and an adjustment

Hi all...

Sorry for the delay. My birthday was this past week, so I'd be lying if I said I was the most diligent of individuals in regards to working out and eating right. In fact, I ate shitty for four days and only worked out twice during those four days. So I'm making an executive decision and pushing my end date back 4 days to August 7th. Seems only fair that I should extend it since I took the time off.

Anyway, I did workout last night. Getting back on my eating habits is taking a little longer (I was running late today so I ate McDonalds for breakfast).

Workout:
30 minutes bicycle
10 minutes stairs
Chest Press - 10 reps @ 145lbs x 3
Flys - 10 reps @ 50lbs x 3
Shoulder Press - 10 reps @ 75lbs x 3
Lat Pull Downs - 10 reps @ 85lbs x 3
Incline Press - 10 rep @ 145lbs x 3 (these hurt)
50 Crunches & Stretching

Back on the wagon and headed to the gym tonight. I really need to be diligent if I'm going to see the changes that I have in mind. Even if I don't, I feel a whole hell of a lot better in general. : )

The Pact - Day 15

These days are getting rougher... They are starting to blur together. HOWEVER, I love the way I feel after a hard workout, even if I pass out by 11ish. I've also found that watching Comedy Central helps my workouts happen, plus it gives me an ab workout while riding the stationary bike or stair climber. :) I must look like a complete idiot when I laugh out loud in the middle of the gym.

Anyways, here's the details about yesterday:
Food:
-60 oz of water throughout the day
- egg & cheese sandwich on english muffin
- 2 carnitas tacos with veggies and pico de gallo
- 8oz unsweetened iced tea
- 3 spice rubbed chicken strips, baked potato & scoop of curried mac & cheese

Workout:
- Preacher curls - 10 reps @ 50lbs x 3
- Tricep pulldowns - 10 reps @ 50lbs x 3
- "21's" - 2 sets of 21 @ 30lbs
- Dips - 3 sets of 12 dips
- Leg lifts - 25 reps
- Crunches (front & obliques) - 50

Today was the first day that a random coworker said I was slimming down. She made my day! I can definitely see and feel the effects, but it is nice to get confirmation of that too. I still think I can do a much better job with my food choices, but I'm off to a good start!!

Ridiculous

I've been on this little crusade to improve my overall health and eating habits, but I'd be lying if I said I won't eat fast food or sweets. I like those things but moderation is key. That is why it gets me so damn angry when I read news articles like the one below:

http://money.cnn.com/2011/05/18/news/companies/mcdonalds_retire_ronald/index.htm?hpt=T2

Go read that article. A bunch of parents and corporate lobbyists are protesting and suing McDonald's because they advertise to kids and that causes obesity... BULLSHIT! WE (collectively) but more importantly, PARENTS, are the cause of that type of obesity. If you don't want your kids to eat it, then don't buy it! That company has used a clown as its mascot and toys in its happy meals since the 50s. Kids didn't eat that shit everyday, so they weren't fat. Parents need to stop blaming everyone else for their poor-assed parenting and take some ownership.

When I was growing up, going to McDonald's with my brothers was a treat that happened maybe once (or if lucky) twice a month. We didn't go there all the time like people do now. If parents don't want their kids to be fat, then stop taking them to fast food, get them outside to play, and get them off the damn computers and tvs. Stop trying to put the blame on a company.

I personally hate clowns, but I will always appreciate the icon that is Ronald McDonald. Even if he is kinda creepy. I also respect the fact that they leverage that icon to raise money for charity and philanthropic causes.

The Pact - Days 11 - 14!

Okay, I've been a major slacker on the recording of blogs the past few days. Frankly, I just kept putting it off. I will reassure you though that I have been keeping up with my workouts. I did stuff on Friday, Monday and Tuesday.

Friday - Biceps & Triceps & Core
Sat & Sun - Laziness & time with with friends.
Monday - Pushups, Pullups (which I despise), Lunges, Squats & Crunches
Tuesday - Chest Press 10 reps @ 145lbs x3, Flys 10 reps @ 50lbs x3, Lat Pulldowns 10 reps @ 80lbs x 3, Shoulder Press 10 reps @ 75lbs x 3, Abdominals 15 reps @ 80lbs x 3, and stretches.

This weekend was great because I got to spend time with Beth, Paul & Kara whom I hadn't seen in ages! Plus, Topher and I are reconciling and spending time together too, so that has also made it an extra special weekend. I may not have been as diligent with my documenting of workouts and food, but I promise I will do better. :)

PS - I added on to my smoothie recipe by putting carrots in with the fruit... AWESOME!