Thoughts on Privilege

I don’t blog often and I really should. I have some amazing conversations with family and friends. More often than not, the thoughts or ideas that arose linger after the conversations are over. Topher and I have been reading a lot about the murder of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri. The conversations we have had have ranged from anger and disgust on the part of police in Ferguson to dialoguing about ways the tensions could be resolved. We also talked about injustice and inequality in our country.

Anyone that says there is not inequality in the US is completely blind to reality. This growing divide across many sectors of our country is what stuck in my head. Its mind blowing to hear pundits talking like there is no such thing going on and it is saddening to see all the ignorant comments posted on social media sites and news articles. Look at recent news cycles: the racial divide on display in Ferguson, the growing gap between the rich and the rest of us, the fight for recognition and rights in the LGBT community, the tensions between religious groups, and the immigration debate. All of those topics, while different in nature and scope, have one underlying quality: the fight for equal treatment and respect.

It saddens me that on Facebook I see a tide of videos of friend’s doing the ice bucket challenge for ALS, posting new music, pictures from vacation, or thoughts on the latest episode of Jimmy Fallon, but so few notes about the tragedy in Ferguson or the refugees living in shelters on our border (that still unresolved story has pretty much disappeared from the news cycle). I’m not saying that people don’t care, but why don’t they say anything?! I know Facebook and Twitter are not really the place of academic debate, but it could be! I think people walk on egg shells when it comes to controversial topics. It’s okay to break a few eggs. We will never change the circumstances in this country if we don’t. In fact, it will get worse.

We have to confront some pretty scary truths in order to move beyond them:

• Racism is alive. Worst of all, it’s alive and thriving in our justice system. That is not a liberal point of view. That is reality. I know several people that are afraid to say anything because either they don’t see how it affects them or they don’t know how to dialogue about the topic. I also think there is a fear of the reprisal of comments. Social media has created a venue where people attack on sight instead of having a dialogue. 
• Economic inequality is real. There was a lot of hoopla regarding Romney’s statements about the 1%, but that divide is growing. Demanding a higher minimum wage isn’t asking for handouts. The rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer and the middle class is becoming non-existent. 
• Privilege (a word that bears a lot of stigma) is a reality. White privilege, heterosexual privilege, economic privilege, etc. We don’t like talking about privilege because it is uncomfortable to look at yourself from that lens. The problem with privilege is being unaware that you have it and believing that everyone has equal opportunities and advantages. Many don’t realize the ways in which people, systems, and institutions are set up to advantage some and disadvantage others. 

I don’t want to sound like I’m berating anyone, but these are topics that need to be talked about. As a gay man in a very conservative state, I see this all the time. I know that people hate to equate racial civil rates with LGBT civil rights, but there are many similarities. In both cases, there is a fight to overcome oppression, gain recognition based on the person not their skin color or orientation, demand equal treatment under the law, and to provide a better future for our families. We need to start to better understand one another, ourselves and our history in order to move things forward.   

The beauty of these dialogues about privilege is that we can move the dialogue to change. Start by becoming aware of the daily exclusions that affect those who are not male, upper/middle class, heterosexual, able-bodied, and/or white and advocating for those that don’t fit under that description. Educate yourself on what is going on in communities outside of your own. Form coalitions with others who are working to end individual and institutional oppression. Become an ally to those that are being oppressed (here is a great article regarding allies during the tragedy in Ferguson: http://qz.com/250701/12-things-white-people-can-do-now-because-ferguson ). Most of all, don’t be afraid to talk about these things. We need to talk about these topics. We can be the change we want to see in the world!

Yikes.   I can't believe how long its been since I've posted on here.   I think I need to remedy that.    Yet this has become more of a diary for random thoughts than anything else, so maybe its serving its purpose exactly right!

If you flip through the news in the past few days, you’ll see a lot about the passing of “Uncle Phil” from Fresh Prince.   Its kinda crazy how much outpouring of tributes there have been to a fictional family member.   Well I lost my real uncle yesterday.   My Uncle Tom passed away yesterday with very little fanfare, but the impact of his passing is tremendous.  We saw it coming since he had been suffering with cancer.    I’m thankful that he was surrounded by family, so I know he went in peace.   Despite knowing he was terminal and his health was declining, you can never quite be prepared for it.   I wasn’t prepared for the emotional impact it would have on me.  It’s a mixed feeling.   Sadness at the loss of a family member, but more regret.

I was never very close with my uncle.   He was extremely reserved and private.   Yet, he was always there.   For 34 years of birthday parties, holiday gatherings, weddings, etc., he was a constant.   Yet he was a stranger.   I regret not taking the time to get to know him better.   I regret never probing into his story.   What I know of his story is what I gleaned growing up and hearing snippets.   When I was young, he was involved in a terrible car accident and to this day I don’t know all the details of it.    Why didn’t I ask?   Why didn’t I step out of my comfort zone and learn about a man that was always there?   I have my suspicions that I had a lot more in common with my uncle than I know and I will never know if that is true.   Uncle Tom was steadfastly loyal, determined, hardworking and optimistic.   He faced obstacles head on (and he was dealt many of them).   That’s what I know that about him and those are qualities to strive for, but I know there was so much more to him that I wish I could have learned.  

I need to take more time to know the people in my life.   I need to take the time to cherish those close to me and seek out those that I’ve grown apart from.   Life is far too fleeting to get sucked up in petty bullshit, overused excuses and laziness.   So Uncle Tom:   thank you for a final lesson, for the memories and being a constant during our lives.   I wish you peace and send my love.